


sleep thru ur alarm

by etheria_uwu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-16
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-02 08:14:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20272777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etheria_uwu/pseuds/etheria_uwu
Summary: he had promised to help him. he'd failed.~this is based off the song "sleep thru ur alarm" by lontalius~(all lowercase is on purpose!)





	sleep thru ur alarm

mao was never one to reach out when he needed help. the boy preferred helping others. while some may see this as a good thing -- you know, since mao was the opposite of selfish -- ritsu knew that it was taxing on his mental health. he knew his best friend wouldn’t tell ritsu about what was going on with him. he wouldn’t tell him about the thoughts in his head. but ritsu didn’t need mao to tell him. he already knew.

** _thoughts that go like bullets through you._ **

_ you’re disgusting. you help others but you only do it for yourself. selfish. worthless. utterly useless. _mao’s head spun. he just wanted it to be quiet inside his mind. why couldn’t it be quiet? everything was so loud.

** _the time you told me that you wish you were dead._ **

mao shifted in bed, arms tightening around his boyfriend. “. . . hey, ritsu? can i tell you something?”

the ravenette tensed. mao never called him by his name unless it was important. “of course maa-kun, what’s wrong?” his voice was soft. so soft. unlike the ear-piercing noise in mao’s head.

“i’m scared,” he paused, taking a shaky breath. “lately i’ve. . . lately i’ve been having these thoughts. really bad ones. and i don’t know where they came from or why i have them, but they’re terrifying.”

ritsu brought his hand to mao’s face, gently brushing away a tear resting on mao’s cheek. “what kind of thoughts?”

“i want to die, ritsu. and i don’t know why. sometimes, when i’m alone my head becomes so loud and i can’t get the noise to stop. i think about what would happen if i died. but i don’t want to leave you ritsu.” mao’s voice cracked and ritsu could feel his eyes burn, a heavy feeling settling in his chest

ritsu was useless when it came to comfort so he simply cuddled closer to his boyfriend and said: “i love you, mao. please don’t leave me, i don't think i could live without you.” his heart clenched when he heard a broken sob from mao.

** _but so broken on when you can't stop choosing to sleep through your alarms, man you're losing your head._ **

ritsu was always the one who was tired all the time. he was always the one being woken up by mao. it was a habit they’d had since they were children. it became routine. so it was disorienting and strange when mao stopped coming over to the sakuma house in the morning. rei began waking him up after he was late to school three times. he didn’t like that.

so, ritsu had decided to start waking mao up, even though he had to wake up much earlier now and he was even sleepier during school.

“ah, ritsu! it's been a while since i’ve seen you. how are you?” mrs. isara had answered the door, a bright smile on her face.

“tired.” he yawned, emphasizing his point.

mrs. isara gave a lighthearted laugh. “it is rather early for you to be awake. i assume you’re looking for mao?” ritsu nodded sluggishly. “he hasn’t woken up yet, though he should’ve five minutes ago. i don’t know what’s wrong with him. do you know?” the boy nodded once again.

mao was depressed. no, it was worse than that. ritsu didn’t have a word for it.

“i can’t tell you though. i promised him. if he gets any worse, i’ll let you know.” mrs. isara looked conflicted.

“alright, i don’t know what’s going on, but please tell me if something happens. could you go wake mao up? i don’t want him to be late for school again.” she opened the door wider, stepping aside.

“wow, ritsu here before mao wakes up? what a surprise. it’s amazing that you’re capable of doing that.” said boy looked over, eyes landing on a smiling mei.

“i can't believe i’m being bullied. and by my boyfriend’s sister no less. what a travesty.” mei rolled her eyes.

“yeah, yeah. go wake up my brother. his alarm is annoying.” ritsu raised his eyebrow.

“why didn’t you wake him up then?” mei looked at the ground.

“he’s been. . . tired, lately. i don’t have the heart to wake him when he’s exhausted all the time. you’re his best friend, i’m sure you know what’s going on with him.” ritsu simply nodded. “please help him ritsu. i know he probably doesn’t want you to -- that’s the kind of the person he is -- but i’m worried about him.” the boy turned away walking up the stairs.

“i promise i will.” he dragged his feet to mao’s door, practically falling onto his boyfriend’s bed. he scooted closer to the other, wrapping his arms around him.

“ritsu?” mao’s voice was soft from sleep. ritsu leaned up, placing a gentle kiss on the red head’s lips.

“it’s time to wake up, maa-kun. you wouldn’t want to be late for school.” ritsu put his hand on mao’s cheek, pulling him in for another, much longer kiss. hands roamed each other, fingers brushing gently against skin. mao rolled on top of the other, his hand finding ritsu’s waist.

mao’s alarm beeped incessantly, but the two ignored it, losing themselves in each other.

“jeez what’s taking you two so long-?” all three people stopped. mao lifting his head a little. ritsu’s hand retracted from its place underneath his boyfriend’s shirt. mei made a noise of disgust, slamming the door. “really guys?! it’s only 7:30 in the morning. get it together!”

ritsu laughed a little. “she’s right. you should probably get ready, i’ll take a nap.” mao nodded, pecking the other on the lips, before standing.

“my alarms so annoying. . .”

** _the thoughts that go like bullets through you. the time you told me that you wish you were dead._ **

he felt as if he was floating. he couldn’t feel anything. he didn’t get angry. he didn’t cry. he just felt like a piece of him died. a piece vital to his happiness. what was ritsu supposed to do without mao? he had promised to help him. he said he didn’t want to leave him, right? so why did he do it. why did mao kill himself?


End file.
